imkittymyers at hotmail dot com
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
ONCE A SHIKSEH, ALWAYS A SHIKSEH
When the non-practicing Catholic “Princess P” fell in love and wanted to marry a certain successful Jewish pathologist, “Dr.J,” she suddenly decided that that was the time to convert to Judaism. As it just so happened, I had recently purchased “Jewish Humor” by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin. I copied several of my favorite jokes/anecdotes from the book and sent them to her with the explanation, “Welcome to your new world!” (or something to that effect). Here is what I sent Princess P:
8 As a “personal” in a Jewish newspaper announced:
“Mr. and Mrs. Marvin Rosenbloom are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Dr. Jonathan Rosenbloom.”
8 How do we know Jesus was Jewish? Four reasons:
1. He was thirthy, unmarried, and still living with his mother
2. He went into his father’s business.
3. He thought his mother was a virgin.
4. And his mother thought he was God.
8 A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons. A passerby asks her how old the boys are. “The doctor is three,” the mother answers. “And the lawyer is two.”
8 Moses comes down from Mount Sinai. “I have good news and bad news,” he tells the crowds gathered below. “The good news is I got them down to ten. The bad news is, adultery is still in.”
I didn't hear from Princess P for quite a while, so I finally called.
“So, what did you think of the jokes?”
“They were funny.”
“I'll bet Dr.J liked them, right?”
“Oh, I didn’t show him! He’s Jewish!”
I reminded her that the jokes came from a book of Jewish humor written by a Rabbi. It didn’t make a difference with her. To such a shikseh the mere mention of the word Jew/Jewish is a slur.
TO promote his seventh one-man show, "Jackie Mason Freshly Squeezed," starting previews March 8 at the Helen Hayes, the producers rented a huge billboard at Seventh Avenue and 49th Street. The slogan — "Just One Jew Talking" — was aimed at reassuring his audience it was the stand-up genius performing alone after last year's flop using singers and dancers. Signmaker Artkraft Straus checked with the owner of the space, who objected to the word "Jew" being displayed so prominently because it might offend tenants in the building. The ad was redesigned to put the slogan at the bottom of the billboard. The irony? The tenants are Jewish themselves. Said producer Jyll Rosenfeld, "It's always the Jews who think Jackie is too Jewish."