imkittymyers at hotmail dot com
Saturday, December 27, 2003
I heard on the news that there has been some speculation by the French that our national security warning was raised to CODE ORANGE just to bother them. Well, as tempting as that may have been at one time, disrupting our lives, our financial stability and our sense of well-being is hardly worth taunting those cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
Here’s a clipping I’ve saved since 12-17-95:
Girl gets tree sprig removed from lung
Stockton, CA (AP)
Tracy McIntyre will breathe more comfortably this holiday season now that one-inch sprig of fir tree is gone from her right lung.
And the 16-year-old won’t inhale too deeply around Christmas trees. Her family thinks she ingested the bit of Yule cheer as a toddler.
“Im probably going to stay pretty far away from it,” Tracy said of this year’s tree. “Don’t want to take any chances.”
Not only did the sprig remain in Tracy’s lung for 15 years, said her surgeon, Dr. Isam Felahy, it also stayed green.
Since Christmas 1980, when the 18-month-old Tracy suffered a choking fit near the tree, she’s had shortness of breath, coughing fits and bad breath.
“Since I was 2 years old, I’ve been called Dragon Breath,” Tracy said.
Finally her parents, Vicki and Mike McIntyre, took her to the doctor.
Felahy thought Tracy had a birth defect until Monday’s operation, when he removed damaged tissue and found a cavity. Inside was a sprig, green as ever.
In the recovery room, nurses grilled Tracy: “Have you been eating Christmas trees lately?”
Friday, December 26, 2003
I'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS
John F***ing Kerry who?
'TIS THE FEAST OF STEPHEN
I’m late to the keyboard this morning, not due to any party-hardy time yesterday, but because the doyenne of blogs herself, Lucianne Goldberg, a woman whom I have admired for years now, who indirectly is responsible for saving Ms. Monica Lewinsky’s sad little life so she may continue to snap her thong at other daddy figures, was on C-SPAN this morning. I adore the woman, unapologetically, and not because she featured Kitty Litter on her “Must Reads” earlier this month. She’s feisty, intelligent, witty, and she speaks her mind regardless of whose ox gets gored in the process. However, in one particularly pithy admission, she cemented my adoration of her. It was on Friday, September 14, 2001, 3 days after the Twin Towers were attacked and leveled. She wrote about seeing Clinton in the news the night before. He was no longer the president (thank you JEE-sus!), yet the media, in their lemming-like fashion, still followed his every move. Reporters had videotaped him in New York on Lexington Ave., “miles from the scene or carnage,” comforting a beautiful woman. “He was feeling her … pain. Doing something for himself, not New York. Sorry, that may be crass but my loathing for his [sic] man requires medication.” In those last 7 words, Lucianne Goldberg confessed that which many of us could not. An H.L. Menken or a Dorothy Parker could not have expressed themselves better in such an economical manner. As a writer, I was/am pea-green with envy. I adore the woman.
GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS?
John Crudele’s predictions for 2004.
HE AIN’T HEAVY, HE’S PHOBIC
For anyone who loves the TV show MONK as much as we do, here’s some news. He has a brother, played by John Turturro, and he’s even more obsessive-compulsive than Monk!
Not to mention malodorous, malicious, and will not be missed a’tall. I am speaking of that multi-millionaire, Michael Moore, who, it seems, has finally found his country.
CURES WHAT AILS YA
Jesus, that is. Or so some in politics now believe. Dr. Dean’s next appearance will be as Elmer Gantry and will be dragging Jesus along for his Southern Tour by resurrecting His name along the way. All of which just begs the question: Would you entrust your healthcare, and your children’s, to this man?
Thursday, December 25, 2003
DECK THE BLOG WITH LOTS OF FOLLY!
I think I've developed a habit, an addiction of sorts. I had no intentions of blogging today ... I mean, it IS Christmas! ... yet here I am. Everything I read online anymore I read with a blogger's eye. That looks good! Ooooh, save that picture! See what I mean? And, sorry, Slappy. These bits'o'folly come from the NY POST.
HOW BAD WAS IT?
It seems that even the rich'n'famous have their woes at Christmas. Some of these are pretty funny, but when Peter O'Toole's father told him ...!... you'll have to read it for yourself.
ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD HEART WARMER
What does the movie "Porky's" have to do with "A Christmas Story"?
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la! Dat's all folks! (for now at least:)
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
A Texas friend, C, sent the following story, which I have been saving to post for Christmas. It’s a sweet story that at any other time of year would be considered treacly, but not today.
I’m caring for Little H today, so I may not post again until the 26th. I want to wish everyone of you a wonderful Christmas and to thank all who have responded to Kitty Litter.
A few more e-cards to enjoy:
Merry Christmas reindeer from C, a lovable dog, and the fabulous snow globe (I’ve received a few times).
And the story:
THE "W" IN CHRISTMAS
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations, extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six-year-old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment, songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row-center stage held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W." The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W."
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised......and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear: "CHRISTWAS LOVE"
And, I believe, He still is.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
FLORIDA IS LEAKING
Since the dirty word “blackmail” was printed today in the NY TIMES concerning Rush Limbaugh, this dittohead was very anxious to tune into his show. Here’s the transcript of what he said, including the statement his lawyer issued for public release. Soo-prise, soo-prise! The DA’s office has been leaking confidential info to the press all along as a fishing expedition.
A MUGSHOT ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE
Algore #3 was driving the Caddie with the headlights OFF! Wonder what we'd find in his medical records?
“ARKANSAS REELING FROM HURRICANE HILTON”
Yes, that title refers to those Beverly Hills bimbos, Paris Hilton and her best bud Nicole Richie. This article gives you the lowdown on how those hoe-down honeys left the town after they returned to their natural habitat of Hollywood. (Hint: "the town hasn't been the same since.") Another episode tonight at 8:30. And, yes, I will be watching. And, yes, I will probably become even more irritated than I was last week. As God is my witness, I WILL see this saga to its end!
STOP THE PRESS!
This just in! Feedback from Slappy!
"I saw it. Quite cool! So the Enquirer broke the Rush story? I guess I may have to rethink my position because of the integrity shown by E in cracking the story! . I still don't have much faith in the stories that profess one child from a twin birth to be an alien spawn and the other to be from the fruit of Elvis' loins! Keep up the blog! I may have to get one going just to get the "truth" to the masses!"
I'll link Slappy's blog if he ever gets one. After all, he knows absolutely EVERYTHING! Isn't that right, Slappy? Just ask Boss.
IT SAVES ON POSTAGE
Must be that e-cards are the rage this Christmas; this one is from my cousins in West Virginia. And here I bought, addressed, signed (with comments!) and stamped a couple of boxes of cards! Here's another e-mail Christmas greeting for y'all.
BAD KITTY :)
Blue sent me this and it's funny! You'll need your volume turned on. Thanks, Blue!
SLAPPY AND THE GANG
Dog Man and I got together with family and friends at Applebee’s last night. C.O. and Nurse G with Little H were there along with Mr. A. (as in available), Boss, Short Stop and the all-purpose partier, Slappy. When Kitty Litter was listed in Lucianne’s “Must Reads,” I sent the message out to just about everyone, including Slappy. Our friendship is a mixed relationship: he and I are of different political persuasions, and we rarely meet in the middle. But we always have a good time. So when last night’s confab veered into the topic of my blog, Slappy asked me to send him the address. Which, of course, meant that he’s not a regular. Of course. So I sent him the link and got the very predictable, albeit good-natured, reply:
“Why don't you just put a link to Rush's website on your blog. That seems to be the rhetoric you are passing along to the masses!!! All right...all seven people who pay attention to conservative " ax grinders" ...politics! :) Don't you know that the Post is a gossip rag and it's almost as bad as the Enquirer or the Star? Just remember that the most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. Have a Merry Christmas.”
We all had a good time last night, even Dog Man. And thanks, Boss, for the horror-scope! It’s a great idea for a present!
SPEAKING OF THE ENQUIRER …
It was that “gossip rag,” the Enquirer, which first broke the news of Rush Limbaugh’s drug addiction, and the saga continues in the NY TIMES today. Seems as though the maid had another source of income besides washing windows. PLEASE NOTE!: You'll have to register to read the article (hint: it's about blackmail!), but it's free and only takes a minute.
BRACE YOURSELF, SLAPPY
We shouldn’t count our chickens before they’re hatched, as the elections are waaaaaaaaay off in November. HOWEVER, it does appear that the Republican Party will not only hold on to their majorities, but they could gain wider margins, as well. Poor Slappy; 2004 may be a difficult year for you, and to read in the NY POST! (sniff sniff)
“YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT, KID”
Who doesn’t remember when Santa said that to poor Ralphie, whose only Christmas wish was a Red Ryder BB gun. Did you know that Red Ryder was a comic strip character who had a sidekick named Little Beaver? I didn’t, but it was before my time.
“For the next 25 years, Red Ryder was one of the most widely syndicated comics, appearing in over 750 newspapers with roughly 40 million readers. Its success blossomed into Saturday matinee serials and about two dozen full-length feature films (some of which feature a young Robert Blake playing Little Beaver). In 1943, U.S. Navy Destroyer Squadron 23 adopted the nickname "The Little Beavers." Under the command of Arleigh Burke, the squadron won a Presidential Unit Citation for its actions near Bougainville in the South Pacific.”The first Red Ryder BB gun was marketed in 1939 for $2.95. Little H has a Red Ryder, and I can guarantee that C.O. and Nurse G paid more than that.
Monday, December 22, 2003
Sean Delonas' cartoons, in the NY POST, are the greatest! Here's his cartoon for December 22, 2002
and for December 20, 2001
and for December 1, 2000.
It's time for a bit of whimsy. Turn on the volume (this is not one of those tricks) and shake the snow globe :) If you have any others, send them along and I might post them.
Sunday, December 21, 2003
ALGORE & SON
Right before So-Damn Insane was pulled out of the hole he had dug for himself, Algore, in his shrewd sense of timing, proclaimed that Bush's War on Terror to be a big mistake: "My friends, this nation has never, in two centuries and more, made a worse foreign policy mistake." To add to his woes, Algore #3 (daddy is #2) has been arrested ... again ... this time for possesion of pot. How bright can an Algore be if he drives around in winter weather with the car's windows and sunroof open ... at night? The cop thought is was suspicious, which was why Junior was stopped in the first place. I'd suggest, in order to get to the bottom of this, that his medical records be seized, but, then, pot is illegal.
THE NAME SAYS IT ALL
Apparently John F***ing Kerry has his own f***ing plan of winning the f***ing War on Terror: TALKING! Yeah, that's the ticket! We'll just ask nicely over'n'over'n'over again and all those bad guys will see the errors of their ways. Is Lurch that clueless? (My appologies to the actual Lurch.)
MY NAME IS HILLARY AND I'M ...
An alcoholic? According to the NY POST today: "SEN. Hillary Rodham Clinton must have a sweet tooth. At least that's the way it seemed the other night at the Palm D'Or at Miami's Biltmore Hotel, where she was presented with a mango martini, a signature drink of the house. Clinton liked the fruity concoction so much, our tipsters say, she downed three more during dinner. "Four mango martinis!" laughed our source. But without any ill effects." The ill effects will come later if she's ever elected president.