Kitty Litter

 
IS IT HALLOWEEN ALREADY?

Her Royal C landed her broomstick in our neighboring community again (she’s been here way too many times), to let us know how much we need the federal government … and, of course, her. Those federal dollars she waves in our faces used to be in our pockets, that is before the Feds confiscated them. We send a dollar to DC and get something like $0.28 back. And we’re supposed to feel lucky!


GOOGLED!

The next time LaShawn Pettus-Brown decides to commit a felony and then take a powder, maybe he’ll change his name before he dates. Of course, he may not be dating for a while … well, at least women, that is. LaShawn had asked a Sweet Young Thang to dinner and SYT decided to Google Mr. Pettus-Brown. When she learned there was an arrest warrant out for him, she called the FBI and told them to meet them at Applebee’s. Oooooh, but ain’t that sweet talkin’ LaShawn is a big spender!


SPEAKING OF STUPID

Men are ticked off over a line of women’s T-shirts and other clothing bearing such sensitive sentiments as "Boys Are Stupid - Throw Rocks At Them."

Imagine men wearing T-shirts that say “Girls Are Stupid – Throw Rocks At Them.”

‘Course, I’m not real fond of those Playboy mudflaps on 18-wheelers, either.

And C.O. wears a particularly offensive T-shirt (with a woman wearing butt-floss and bending over to prove it) that reads:

“$10.00, Price of membership.
Lots of shots, $100.00.
$500.00, 25 lap dances.
Your wife not finding out, priceless!”

(Okay, I’ll admit that I laugh at it.)



Myerskatt@aol.com

 
"RING OF FIRE"

Blue sent the following story to me. Wish I'd thought of it!

 
In true Litter philanthropy, the following titles have been suggested for Bubba’s memoirs:

The Big Chill: Life With Hillary
The Big Easy: Life With Monica
Bill Clinton - Proof that P.T. Barnum Was Right!
Clinton - the Untold Story
Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
Living History, as I Saw It
Lord Of The Flings
Lord of the Lies
The Lying King
True Lies

Keep 'em comin'!



“Bush cost me my job, my kids and my houses “ (from NewsMax.com)

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but in the last year, we had to close our operations. We simply could not compete with foreign labor. This foreign labor worked for low pay under very bad conditions. They worked very long shifts, and many even died on the job. This competition could hardly be called "fair." I was forced out of the place where I had worked for 34 years. Not a single government program was there to help me. How can Bush call himself "compassionate?"

Far worse, I lost two of my sons in Bush's evil war in Iraq. They gave their lives for their country, and for what? So that Bush's oil buddies can get rich. My pain of losing my sons is indescribable.

While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left. How can Bush call himself a Christian when he neglects people like me? I am a senior citizen with various medical problems. I'm not in a position where I can begin a new career. I was reduced to the point where I had to live in a hole in a ground, all because of President Bush.

And when the authorities found me there, did they have any compassion for my misfortune and ailments? No, I was arrested. Mr. Bush, I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a compassionate man! I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a Christian. If I had any money left, I would donate it to the Democrat Party.

If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons!

Regards,
Saddam Hussein

 
PROOF IS IN THE PUDDIN'

Or at least a picture of it. YUK! Here's a picture of that whale which exploded. Notice the man standing at the right covering his nose. There's a reason why. I posted the story yesterday. Okay, back to your meal :)

 
MY KINGDOM FOR MYDOOM!

So sayeth Microsoft and the software company SCO (apologies to Will Shakespeare). Well, maybe not their entire kingdoms, but $500,000 of them. That’s the combined bounty “for the capture and conviction of the hacker behind the virus.” What is it with these pathetic social troglodytes who get their willies by creating such havoc?


FOOTBALL? WHAT’S FOOTBALL?

I hear there’s some game going on in Houston this Sunday. Like I read the sports page … NOT! That IS a knee-slapper, though :) No, I know about this Super Bowl thingie because I read Page Six in the NY Post. Some Brady bunch guy is flying in his cheerleader by the name of Bridget Moynahan. And then some bombshell, a bodacious “self-promoter extraordinaire” named Sondra Fortunato, will make HER annual appearance at this whateveritis thing. And that’s your Litter sports of the day, maybe the year.


THE GOOD OL’ DAYS OF COMMUNISM

When Russia was the Soviet Union, a family-friendly community with no AIDS and no prostitution and everybody was scared shitless to say otherwise. Apparently, the lie lives on in the NY Times. Why is anyone surprised?


PRESIDENT, BY A HAIR

John F***ing Kerry will be the Dem nominee, not because he weaves all around the war issue and not because he wants to sock it to the poor rich (again!) and not because he IS rich and can afford to run. No, the reason he will be the Dem nom is because he parts his hair on the left. Y’gotta read it to believe it. The article doesn't say he'll win the nomination, but that’s not the only reason … no, not the truckload of Botox or the buffed nails, either. The other reason, and possibly the more important one, is that John F***ing Kerry is the tallest dwarf of the lot. Tall men head companies and are elected to high offices. They just are.


TITLES:

MW suggested “True Lies” for Bubba's memoirs.


E-MAIL:

Despite how you may have personally felt about this issue, there was at least one good logical reason for removal of the Ten Commandments monument from the Alabama Supreme Court building.

You cannot post things like "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shall Not Lie, and "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians…

It creates a hostile work environment.



Myerskatt@aol.com

 
I didn’t fall off the edge of the earth; I’ve had a few “interruptions.” Had to watch Little H, which is never a problem. Discovered it’s almost impossible to drive a car with no power steering fluid (sweet when it happens in traffic). A touch of computer troubles (problems with e-mailing). And I’m on my way to have a long overdue blood test, which I've kept putting off due to car troubles and wicked winter weather. So this may be all the Litter today … maybe not. We’ll see.

MW sent in a good title for Bubba’s book: “The Lying King,” so keep ‘em coming!


Later, gator!
Myerskatt@aol.com

 
SPERM WHALE EXPLODES

No, not Bubba after too many Whoppers. In case you haven’t read this, this is funny, if not gross. Great big gobs of da da-da da-da da da …


PICTURE THE PRESIDENT

John F***ing Kerry =:O George W. Bush :-)


LITTERERS:

From LoanCat:
Gossip Rules!
In ancient Greece, Socrates (469 - 399 BC) was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I would like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and .."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what
you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"Well, no, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, I suppose it isn't really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

From Blue:
Dog vs. Cat Trial Set To Begin Suit Seeks $1.5M

POSTED: 10:39 PM EST January 27, 2004
VISTA, Calif. -- The case of the cat that attacked a dog in the library is about to go to trial. Pretrial motions were scheduled for Tuesday in Richard Espinosa's lawsuit against the City of Escondido. Espinosa's assistance dog was scratched in 2000 by a cat known to reside at the Escondido Public Library.

Espinosa, who is representing himself, is suing the city for $1.5 million. The former North County Times reporter said his dog, which he uses to ward off panic attacks, was entering the library on assignment when the attack occurred.

Espinosa claims he was a victim of disability discrimination because the city interfered with his ability to enter the library. The city offered to settle the case for $1,500, but Espinosa rejected the offer. The attack was at least the library cat's third attack on another animal, according to the North County Times. The cat was removed from the facility after an attack on another dog in 2001.


Myerskatt@aol.com

 
“ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE”

New Hampshire, the political equivalent of Brigadoon, can now fade back into the mists not to rise again for another four years. After one caucus and one primary, John F***ing Kerry has been anointed the winner in the Democratic Primary Sweepstakes. In a Viagara-like surge (Theresa Heinz should be so lucky), he rose from yesterday’s garbage to the Democrats’ Nam hero now heading their ticket … well almost … at least for the moment. There are a few other states’ primaries remaining … p’shaw … but for the time being it’s Mr. Ketchup. So who lost (besides Dean, that is)? The media, according to John Podhoretz, who gives a clear analysis of what the Fourth Estate did wrong.


“HEATHER ON THE HILL”

Just to make certain that the Dems don’t screw things up, Bubba himself will take a break from scrawling his breathlessly anticipated memoirs to trek to “The Hill” (as in Capitol) for a strategy session with the guys. Her Royal C will be in attendance as well. Yup, Bill’n’Hill will actually be in the same room together, just a bunch of guys shootin’ the political shinola.


“COME TO ME, BEND TO ME”

Back to Bubba’s book (titles? he needs titles!) … It’s not all heather on the hill for the Dems. Bubba will “suck up all the air” at their convention this summer, which might just coincide with the publication of his book.



More Litter later …

Myerskatt@aol.com

 
SAY IT WITH TEXACO

Check out our local gas prices. Instead of flowers for Valentine’s day, I’m asking for a tank of unleaded.


(JUST HUMOR HER)

Blue took that SAT scores “pissing contest” to heart and sent the following:
“Well, not to sound too heady, but I'm a good deal "smarter" than W!! As best I recall, my SAT scores were 710 Math and 640 Verbal for a total of 1350 BC (but then, I *DID* go to Rice, and he only went to Yale...) :) And we're the same age, so our scores can be directly compared! Oh, and my IQ was 138 when it was tested in the 8th grade, which ranks me as a genius - not to brag!!! :)”


MORE TITLE SUGGESTIONS FOR BUBBA’S BOOK:

Lord Of The Flings
The Big Chill: Life With Hillary
The Big Easy: Life With Monica

Keep 'em coming!


Snowed in but still bloggin’
Myerskatt@aol.com

 
NOT AGAIN!

Heads up, you guys! There’s yet another computer worm in cyberspace trying to squiggle its way into your life. Read this to learn what to look for. This is a particularly nasty bug, so don’t simply rely upon your anti-virus program (i.e. Norton) to automatically update your system; check your program yourself to make certain you have all the updates. Some suspect that this worm is the work of a Linux fan.



1206 BC

In a “pissing contest” of SAT scores, how would yours compare to Dubya’s? He scored 566 Verbal and 640 Math, and that was “BC,” before (the bell) curve of the mid-90s. His 1206 is the equivalent to 1280 today out of a possible perfect score of 1600 (800 for each). And did you know that JFK scored a very average 119 on an IQ test?


GOT A MORTGAGE?

John Crudele, in the NY Post, is once again urging you to call your bank and demand a rate “modification.” Last year, when he suggested it for the first time, it worked remarkably well for many readers. With low-low rates and banks wanting to hold onto your business, now is the time, and John will tell you how.


HAVE BOOK, NEED TITLE

As I told you yesterday, Bubba is busy trying to meet his summer deadline for his memoirs. Just one problem-o; he has no title! So I asked if any of you had any suggestions, and here are the replies so far:

GM of Ohio submitted “Bill Clinton - Proof that P.T. Barnum Was Right!”
DogMan suggested “Lord of the Lies.”

Anyone else? Blue, ask around the offices. LoanCat? JC? And, Slappy (our very own “I’m no liberal!” Mr. Mensa here at Kitty Litter), you’ve gotta help out your Bubba!

AND, is it fiction? Nonfiction? Fantasy?


Myerskatt@aol.com

 
OH, NO MR. BILL! =:O

What with all his global good deeds, not to mention step-mom shopping for little Chelsea, Bill Clinton fell behind in writing his memoirs, and they’re due this summer. But fear not, he is back to scribbling but doesn’t have a title yet. Help him out here, folks, he's got a deadline to make! Got any suggestions?


Myerskatt@aol.com

 
THAT TAKES BRASS

Blue sent this and would like to know how accurate it is. Boss, do you know? Surely Slappy does.

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls.

It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon, but they had to find a way to prevent them from rolling about the deck.

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen.
Thus a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem - how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.However, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls quickly would rust to it.


The solution to the rusting problem was to make the monkeys out of brass.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently when the temperature dropped too far too fast, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."


Myerskatt@aol.com

 
RENT-A-WOMB

Jacko is NOT the father of his children. Is anyone surprised? The UK Sunday newspaper News of the World reported yesterday that his ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, basically rented her womb to incubate children fathered by sperm purchased from a sperm bank. “The bombshell fact—revealed by Debbie in a legal dossier—could be her strongest weapon in her bid to wrest control of the children from 45-year-old Jacko.” Apparently, Mommy Dearest is becoming all maternal with concern over her children’s welfare. Well, ex-sceeeeuuuzzz me, but where was all this concern when she rented out her body for this accused child molester in the first place? And how much did she get for selling these children? “In return for bearing Michael two children, Debbie received a staggering £6million PAY-OFF. She also got a £1.6million Beverly Hills home, a car, clothes, furs and jewels. Michael continues to pay her monthly expenses. Last month she claimed £35,000.”


A PASSION FOR PASSION?

Maybe it’s a passion for discounted tickets … whatever … but “Against unbelievable odds, "The Passion of the Christ" is now shaping up to be the hottest ticket in the history of Hollywood when it finally hits theaters on Ash Wednesday, Feb. 25.” The scenes are graphic, but, according to those who’ve seen a preview of it, it’s very moving as well.


FROM JC IN TEXAS:

Thought this was worth passing on. Some good advice.... Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With
the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date. Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So... be aware of your surroundings.


ONE McMONTH, AND SUPERSIZE IT!

I think the link has been timed out, so here's the entire article:

Film records effects of eating only McDonald's for a month

25.01.2004 12.00pm - By DAVID USBORNE
NEW YORK - Normally sane actors have been known to gain or lose huge amounts of weight for their art. Think of Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary. Directors, of course, never have to undergo such torture.
Or so it used to be, until Morgan Spurlock had a bright idea for a film project.

The first clue to his particular misery comes in the title of his documentary, which has become the darling of this year's Sundance Film Festival. It is called Super Size Me: A Film of Epic Portions and it is a sometimes comic but serious look at America's addiction to fast food.

Spurlock, a tall New Yorker of usually cast-iron constitution, made himself the guinea pig in this dogged investigation into the effects of fast food on the body. He ate only at McDonald's for a month - three meals, every day - and took a camera crew along to record it. If a server offered to super-size his order, he was obliged to accept - and to ingest everything, gherkins and all.

Neither Spurlock, 33, nor the three doctors who agreed to monitor his health during the experiment were prepared for the degree of ruin it would wreak on his body. Within days, he was vomiting up his burgers and battling with headaches and depression. And his sex drive vanished.

When Spurlock had finished, his liver, overwhelmed by saturated fats, had virtually turned to pate. "The liver test was the most shocking thing," said Dr Daryl Isaacs, who joined the team to watch over him. "It became very, very abnormal."

Spurlock put on nearly 12kg over the period and his cholesterol level leapt from a respectable 165 to 230. He told the New York Post: "I got desperately ill. My face was splotchy and I had this huge gut, which I've never had in my life ... It was amazing - and really frightening." And his girlfriend, a vegan chef? "She was completely disgusted by me," he said.

Making the film over several months last year, Spurlock travelled through 20 states, interviewing everyone from fast-food junkies to the US Surgeon General and a lobbyist for the industry. McDonald's, for whom the film can only be a public relations catastrophe, ignored his repeated entreaties for comment.

Spurlock had the idea for the film on Thanksgiving Day 2002, slumped on his mother's couch after eating far too much. He saw a news item about two teenage girls in New York suing McDonald's for making them obese. The company responded by saying their food was nutritious and good for people. Is that so, he wondered? To find out, he committed himself to his 30 days of Big Mac bingeing.

The film does not yet have a distributor and, given the advertising clout of McDonald's, that may prove problematic. But the critics at Sundance seem to have been captivated. Certainly, the film is blessed by good timing. Obesity has in recent months captured headlines as America's new health scourge. The humour of the approach - and Spurlock's own suffering - obviously helps.

At the festival in Park City, Utah, he has had teams handing out "Unhappy Meal" bags on the streets with a few "Fat Fun Facts". For instance, one in four Americans visits a fast-food restaurant every day. And did you know that McDonald's feeds more people around the world every day than the population of Spain? The makers have self-rated the film "F" - for "fat audiences".

McDonald's has finally been forced to comment. "Consumers can achieve balance in their daily dining decisions by choosing from our array of quality offerings and range of portion sizes to meet their taste and nutrition goals," it said in a statement last week.

Spurlock claims that the goal was not to attack McDonald's as such. Among the issues he highlights is the willingness of schools to feed students nothing but burgers and pizza. "If there's one thing we could accomplish with the film, it is that we make people think about what they put in their mouth," he said. "So the next time you do go into a fast-food restaurant and they say, 'Would you like to upsize that?' you think about it and say, 'Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll stick with the medium this time.'"



Myerskatt@aol.com