imkittymyers at hotmail dot com
Saturday, January 10, 2004
“THE GOOD DIE FIRST …”
(Wordsworth)
which is sometimes why the bad die next … or at least eventually … in the state of Texas. I’ve been thinking about a website that I used to have bookmarked but lost it when our computer crashed last fall. It was the posting of Texas death row inmates’ last meal requests. Murders populated the list, and their last meal requests were fascinating. The amount of food they requested was usually enormous, sometimes gargantuan. I’d try to guess the ethnicity and the approximate size of the convict by the meal he/she requested.
So, as with all things lost, or temporarily not found, I turned to St. Google, the patron saint of the Internet.
Several blogs popped up, which I passed by … except for one called Irish Eyes, a blog by a man who grew up in Lancaster, PA, and who now lives in Ireland. He’s posted some fabulous photography, which he’s taken. I’ve saved several for future use as wallpapers.
But I digress …
The Texas Dept. of Corrections had been posting the last meal request since 1982. Then, “amid charges of bad taste,” the popular website was pulled. Here’s an URL from last year, to give you an idea of what I’m talking about. You can see the mugshots and read the crime reports.
“DYING IS AN ART, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE.”
(Sylvia Plath)
Especially on the Net. Some people take nothing lying down, even death. An industrious person, I’m guessing a Texan, has a website called dead man eating, devoted to the final meal list. However, even though Texas pulled the plug on its final meals site, dme continues to list the executed inmates and their requested last meals. They also list the “next reservation.”
And talk about merchandise! Need a gift for someone who has everything? How about
a thong
or an apron
or a lunchbox?
“NOTHING IN HIS LIFE BECAME HIM LIKE THE LEAVING IT.”
(Shakespeare)
Tripping through Google’s listings on Texas reminded me of an online coroner’s store, hawking toetag-type merchandise and goodies emblazoned with body outlines. It’s called LA Coroner: “Skeletons in the closet for those of us of dubious distinctive taste.” Let me tell you, this place has out-merchandised dme by a mile!
Welcome mat
Coroner sweatshirt
T-shirt w/body outline
Beach towel w/body outline
Travel mug w/body outline
Toetag keychain
Some of the things could not be seen well enough to be appreciated, like boxer shorts with “undertaker” on them and several “toetag” items.
For the record: I believe in the death penalty; there are some crimes which beg such ends.
It costs me never a stab nor a squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
“Aha, my little dear, I say,
“Your clan will pay me back one day.”
(Dorothy Parker)
MEMO TO LoanCat: The eagle has landed! YI-HA!! and thanks!
Myerskatt@aol.com
Friday, January 09, 2004
NOT A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE?
‘LOS ANGELES legal types are saying Michael Jackson cannot be found guilty.’ That’s how Cindy Adams’ column began today. Here’s the rest of her MJ report: ‘That two lawyers earlier refused this case believing it "not strong enough." That it was shopped around for three months. That some in the Santa Barbara police community believed there wasn't sufficient evidence to go on. That even attorneys who had opposed Michael in the first case determined they didn't want in on this one. That forces behind the plaintiff were not motivated by familial or legal issues. That this indictment "could fall apart unless additional evidence is found." Legal brains closer at hand are calling this "flimsy," saying "they have nothing that's triable." I'm not siding. I'm just reporting.’
SIZE MATTERS … TO SOME
Michael Jackson’s feminine self lies about his weight, while Dean vainly attempts to rise to the occasion.
OH, RET!
RET (R. Emmett Tyrrell), The American Spectator, has been teasing us readers with a possible column in which he may dish on Dean. RET and Dean did a regular TV roundtable discussion panel, called “The Editors,” in Montreal in the 1990s. He got to know Dean and has been quite coy, in a naughty boy fashion, about divulging what the political-virgin Dean was like back then. Well, as these things happen, the tapes are now the fodder of columns today, but RET remains mum. However, thanks to a fellow L.dotter, an earlier RET column, from last June 25th, is available, and it is hysterical! RET said Dean was “a superb transmitter of the White House party line during the 1990s,” that Dean would simply regurgitate the alibi du jour. Quoting RET: ‘President Bill Clinton could have been caught practicing cannibalism in the Oval Office and Dr. Howard Dean would neither be embarrassed nor at a loss for words. "Tyrrell, that's just a little something the President picked up in Arkansas," he might say. Or being very proud of his progressive insights he might asseverate: "Nutritionists are finding that an occasional leg of human delays the onset of arthritis."’ Read it for insight and a laugh.
MORE THAN A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE !!
Like It or Not, President Bush Leads. YEE-HA!!!!!
MEMO TO NURSE G:
You poor-poor thing :( How long has C.O. lusted for Her Royal C?
Myerskatt@aol.com
Thursday, January 08, 2004
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MARCHING ORDERS!
Texas J sent me this urgent message for all of us patriotic women:
AS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW, IT IS A SIN FOR A TALIBAN MALE TO SEE ANY WOMAN OTHER THAN HIS WIFE NAKED, AND THAT HE MUST COMMIT SUICIDE IF HE DOES.
SO THIS SATURDAY, AT 4 P.M. EASTERN TIME, ALL AMERICAN WOMEN ARE ASKED TO WALK OUT OF THEIR HOUSE COMPLETELY NAKED TO HELP WEED OUT ANY NEIGHBORHOOD TERRORISTS.
CIRCLING YOUR BLOCK FOR ONE HOUR IS RECOMMENDED FOR THIS ANTI-TERRORIST EFFORT.
ALL MEN ARE TO POSITION THEMSELVES IN LAWN CHAIRS IN FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE TO PROVE THEY ARE NOT TALIBAN, AND TO DEMONSTRATE THAT THEY THINK ITS OKAY TO SEE NUDE WOMEN OTHER THAN THEIR WIFE AND TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR ALL AMERICAN WOMEN.
AND SINCE THE TALIBAN ALSO DOES NOT APPROVE OF ALCOHOL, A COLD 6-PACK AT YOUR SIDE IS FURTHER PROOF OF YOUR ANTI-TALIBAN SENTIMENT.
THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT APPRECIATES YOUR EFFORTS TO ROOT OUT TERRORISTS AND APPLAUDS YOUR PARTICIPATION IN THIS ANTI-TERRORIST ACTIVITY.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON.
As you were,
Myerskatt@aol.com
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELVIS!
Blue reminded that he would have been 69 today.
SEE YA, SHORT STOP :(
Our little group of friends prefer to think of her as The Future Mrs. Derek Jeter, which she likes just fine. She's leaving town and heading south for Penn State U on Saturday. Y'all keep in touch now! We'll miss you :(
Myerskatt@aol.com
GOT GAS?
The funny thing (as in ha-ha) about Her Royal C’s Gandhi joke is that it was considered a joke. I didn’t get it, so I asked DogMan.
“She’s implying that people from that part of the world are relegated to menial jobs, like pumping gas or convenience store clerks.”
That’s funny (as in strange). I mean, she’s been to our area many times, so she must have noticed that many of our doctors’ names originate from that part of the world. Others (with same origins) own a couple of the local convenience stores and a Subway shop. Our local Fortune 500 company caters to them, and you won’t find them on the assembly lines, you’ll find them in management and in research and development.
For humor to work, as Rush always says, it must be rooted in truth. Truth is that Her Royal C’s Gandhi joke was not a joke at all. Tasteless? No, not really, in that the joke did nothing to demean Gandhi. It did demean Her Royal C, however, who once again verbalized her utter contempt for certain people.
Like her F***ing Jew Bastard comment, directed at one of her aides. At the time it was made public, several people stood up for her, including Rudy Guiliani, who didn’t believe that she was an anti-Semite. I wonder if Wes Clark would feel as magnanimous, considering that he recently made a point, on camera, to tell a supporter that his mother was Jewish. Or the Penn State student, Eden Jacobowitz, who was charged with racial harassment for yelling at a group of noisy females late one night, “Shut up, you water buffalo!” Poor Dick Armey once referred to Barney Frank as Barney Fag and then, visibly embarrassed, he immediately apologized profusely. Barney is an outspoken homosexual and a friend of Dick’s … I mean Rep. Armey … and didn’t believe that Dick’s slip of the …. aah, I mean faux pas was anything other than that. And still, Dick Armey was hounded for months.
We all know by now that Her Royal C is never subjected to such reprimands by the Political Correctness jack-booted thugs. Let her misspeak, though, because every time she does she reveals more of herself. And it’s not a good thing. Gandhi’s reputation remains pure; Her Royal C’s does not.
IF YOU WANT A JOKE …
According to Page Six of the NY POST (1-7-03) in their “sightings” section:
“AL Gore and family singing "Jingle Bells" while dashing through the snow in an open sleigh after dinner at the exclusive Zach's Cabin club in Bachelor Gulch, Colo., on New Year's Eve.”
IF HER ROYAL C WANTS GAS …
Again, from Page Six yesterday:
‘IT'S official - Gennifer Flowers is coming to town to star in, "Boobs! The World According to Ruth Wallis." Just as PAGE SIX predicted in October, Bill Clinton's former flame has agreed to star in the off-Broadway musical, which boasts a love song titled "Bill." Flowers, who has lately been performing at the New Orleans piano bar she owns, will open Jan. 19 in producer Lawrence Leritz's play at Dillon's Supper Club on West 54th. "I think 'Boobs' is one of the best produced and directed shows I've ever seen," Flowers said in a statement, which called it "good old-fashioned fun" "Besides," she added, "it'll also be fun to be Bill and Hillary's neighbors for a while."’
AND FROM J IN TEXAS …
A proper Texas salute, and if this doesn’t choke you up, let me know.
Myerskatt@aol.com
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
YEE-HA!
“Judges approve Republicans' congressional map for Texas.” I guess this means no more excellent road trips to Motel 6 for the Dems.
SOLIDARITY
Quick, how many bills has President Bush vetoed? “With GOP Congress behind him, Bush has yet to use veto,” which points to the comforting fact that “Republicans are showing an incredible degree of solidarity." Algore’s reaction.
WHAT-CHOO TALKIN’ ‘BOUT, ELECIA?
Remember that woman who claimed she lost the winning Mega Millions ticket, and then someone else turned it in? Well, “the loser” is not exactly an upstanding citizen.
SIZE MATTERS
Talk about stupid criminals! It seems Trilane A. Ludwig, age 24 of Vancouver, got into some trouble and asked his mother to bail him out by using the money in his wallet. I have to admit that I was impressed since too many 24-year-olds would expect their mommies to pay the bail. But, uh-oh, he had funny money in his wallet. It was easily spotted since the bills were the wrong size.
WE MEANT TO DO THAT
The Prowler (a.k.a. R. Emmett Tyrrell) writes in The American Spectator:
"While it wasn't an endorsement, Hillary Clinton says we can thank her and her husband for Howard Dean's presidential run. In an interview in Las Vegas last weekend, the New York Senator alleged that she and hubby Bill encouraged Dean to run for president and implied they've been offering him advice ever since. Again, more evidence that she's been mapping out her run for 2008 all along." Algore's reaction.
Myerskatt@aol.com
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
HER ROYAL CLINTONESS CRACKS JOKE!
Step back! "Hillary Clinton Says She Regrets Joking That Gandhi Used to Run a Gas Station in St. Louis.”
Okay, let’s see if she can top this:
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He was also a very spiritual person. When on a hunger strike, he did not each much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore due to his fasting, he ended up with very bad bad breath.
Therefore, he came to be known as a …
"Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
I know, it's a bad joke, but just try googling Ghandi for jokes!
E-MAIL PROBLEMS
I’m having e-mail problems … it’s sloooooow. I can receive but sending's a bitch. It’s also AOL’s fault. I got the online tech, named Ryan, to admit it. Honesty: what a concept! I'm also having car problems. Wish I could blame that on AOL, but it's a '93 Blazer and I think it's trying to tell me something.
MEMO TO LoanCat:
If, and ONLY if, you already have the new Eagles CD (with Hole In The World), I’d take that. I love what used to be called “roadhouse blues.” Any of Willie’s classics (Honeysuckle Rose soundtrack). James Brown’s classics. I may look white-bread-&-mayo, but I’m a blues hound at heart. CAN’T WAIT!! Thank YOU! (And yes, I'm related to EC. My mother's cousin, I think.)
Myerskatt@aol.com
Lotta good that'll do ME right now!
MORE BRAIN TEST RESULTS
LoanCat's results: "Balanced in my hemispheric dominance and predominantly auditory learner which makes me flexible in my perceptions and view of the world. I tolerate ambiguity without surrendering the ability to have strongly held views of my own."
Myerskatt@aol.com
STOP THE PRESS!
COLD SNAP GRIPS USA
Cold weather ... in winter?
TEXAN OF THE YEAR
Algore reacts to the news that “The Dallas Morning News announced today George W. Bush as the recipient of their First Annual Texan of the Year.”
Myerskatt@aol.com
UPCHUCK!
Which is what the Royal family must have been doing ever since The Daily Mirror’s headlines first blared, IT WAS CHARLES. They didn’t even add an exclamation point! Okay, so it was Charles what? You see, Princess Di had written a letter in which she speculated that Charles was scheming to arrange an “accident” in which Di would die, leaving Chuckles free to marry the Rottweiler, which was Di’s pet name for Camilla. Up until the other day, Charles’ name had been blackened out in the hand-written letter. While everyone else was fearful to divulge the name, The Daily Mirror decided to be the first. As they said, it’s going to be out there in the public soon enough. You can’t keep a name like that down for long, right upChuck?
THE RIGHT”S FAVORITE LEFTIE
Despite his leftward-ho politics (I believe he has described himself as a socialist), Christopher Hitchens long ago earned a place in the hearts on the right, primarily because he excoriated Clinton on a regular basis. Then he wrote a book on Clinton: No One Left to Lie To: The Values of the Worst Family. The hard-living hard-drinking Hitch is now going after the mayor of NYC, Nanny Bloomberg, for all of his nanny-like rules’n’regulations. The smoking no-no was probably the proverbial last straw. Read how Hitch brazenly, and hilariously, flaunts the rule of law by, among other dastardly deeds, sitting on a milk crate on a city sidewalk.
BOOKWORM? OR JUST WORM?
Which president does the following describe: “emphasis on image over substance . . . angry mistrustful personality . . . excessive fear of leaks . . . imperial governing combined with deeply flawed decision making . . . serious abuses of national security secrecy”? Clinton? WRONG! Try George W. Bush, that is according to John Dean, Nixon’s White House counsel. Le Rat has written "Worse Than Watergate: The Secret Presidency of George W. Bush." Personally, I think Le Rat simply used his notes on Clinton and changed the name. I thought Le Rat had disappeared until I googled him and discovered he’s been wallowing in the left’s trough. How gauche.
MORE BRAIN TEST RESULTS
Nurse G has submitted hers: “Equal hemispheres with a subtle dominance for auditory. In the overall scheme of things, you will find yourself to be consistent in a wide range of activities.”
Keep those test results coming!
MEMO TO LoanCat: Please send yours again. Thanks!
Myerskatt@aol.com
Monday, January 05, 2004
SUGAR IN THE MORNING
But that's all. No sugar in the evening and no sugar at suppertime. That's cuz Twitney "lacked understanding of her actions." Why am I not surprised by that claim? Oh, well, for those who are interest in the juicy details, TheSmokingGun.com has all of 'em, right down to a copy of the actual papers filed that same afternoon.
Myerskatt@aol.com
BRAIN TEST RESULTS ...
Boss's results: "I'm equally divided between both right and left hemisphere & prefer audtory versus visual learning. I have a certain "flair" and individuality. Learning is not as efficient as I would like."
Me Me Me: As I said earlier, I've taken the test several times now. Primarily I'm left brain, from 54% to 76%. And I'm primarily a visual learner, by a modest margin, although the last time I took it I was 50% visual & 50% audio learner.
Nurse G promises to e-mail her results. And many of us would LOVE to see Slappy, Mr. Mensa himself, send in his results.
How about the rest of you? Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, just fun!
Myerskatt@aol.com
REMINDER ...
Don't forget that Brain Test and send me your results. This is just for fun, folks, so don't sweat it! Example: left brain and visual learner. Or: 68% right brain and 52% audio learner. Or: center brain and predominantly visual learner. Like that. I've taken it several times with different results, although I'm primarily left brain and a visual leraner. (And it didn't hurt at all:)
Myerskatt@aol.com
CAN A GUILTY PERSON BE RAILROADED?
Railroad: “to convict (an accused person) without a fair trial or on trumped-up charges.”
Usually when you hear about someone being railroaded, the implication is that the person is innocent. The railroading process begins in the all-powerful mass media, which is then slurped up by the public. But can a guilty person be railroaded?
I ask the question because several people, whom I admire, believe that Jacko is being railroaded. Rush didn’t actually say that, but he did caution against forming rash judgments. He referred to Richard Jewell, who was hounded as the man responsible for the Olympic Park bombings in Atlanta in 1996 and who was eventually cleared. Then I heard Ben Stein on Fox News say that absolutely Jacko was being “railroaded.” And this morning, in The American Spectator, Raoul Felder and Jackie Mason wrote about the case saying “elements continue to disturb us.” They are not presuming Jacko’s guilt or innocence; they are criticizing the tactics in his case thus far, and they would like to see Gov. Schwarzenegger appoint a special prosecutor for the case.
Hypothetically, an innocent Jacko can be railroaded, but can a guilty Jacko be railroaded?
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT …
So, smartypants, when’s primary day in Florida? Clueless? The Dummies Guide to Campaign 2004 will put you in the know.
SPEAKING OF CLUELESS …
You’ve probably heard that Twitney Spears got married and then, in a mockery to her sacred vows to love, honor and cherish, she and Mr. Twitney decided hours later to annul the deed. But did you know that she’s, like, a reallyreallyreally “deep thinker?” Like, duh! "I think, in reality, if you really know in your heart of hearts that you are gonna be with that person forever, and you really think that, with all of your heart, and you're in four, or five years, you know, into the relationship, I mean, stuff can happen." Just for laughs read it! Then pray that your kids don't idolize her.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY VILE …
Have you heard about the truly vile ads in which Bush’s image is morphed into Hitler’s? They’re part of a contest MoveOn.org is sponsoring, and Michael Moore is one of the judges. Chris Muir has a great cartoon on the subject today. By the way, when will Michael Moore just move on to Germany?
Myerskatt@aol.com
Sunday, January 04, 2004
OUT, DAMNED SPOT!
Except she won’t go away. Who? HRC. Her Royal Clintoness. PIAPS. Hildebeast. Carpetbagger. Hitlery. HilLIARy. She’s like today’s weather forecast: freezing rain. I never understood how anyone could vote for her or that husband of hers. In true Don Corleone business ethics, they treat their enemies better than their friends (my apologies to the Corleone name), and that ain’t sayin’ much. To the Clintons, people are to be used when needed (think Wesley Clark), then disposed of quickly (remember poor ol’ Vince Foster?). I don’t see this charisma which others see. In fact, there is absolutely nothing at all charming about either of them. So they raised a child. Big deal. Like this qualifies them for office? As someone once commented very crudely: Any bitch can whelp a litter.
In September of 2000, DogMan and I drove to Long Island. Along the way I noticed lots of signs for Rick Lazio, who was running against HRC, and signs for local office seekers. Lawn signs and bumper stickers, signs stapled to trees and telephone poles. We drove through NY City and 2/3 the way out onto Long Island (HINT: Never attempt this on a Friday afternoon with standard transmission.) and during the entire trip, there and back, I did not see one single solitary sign for HRC. Not a one. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I realize it’s only anecdotal evidence, but I still expected to see some support for her in the very liberal NYC area and I didn’t. So it came as no surprise when it was learned that she literally bought an entire village’s worth of votes by having Bill pass out a pardon or two, votes which historically have been cast for Republicans in the past.
Since HRC has been in office … Senior Senator Chuckie Schumer must still be seething since Junior Senator Clinton stole his beloved limelight … she has been methodically working her way to the Oval Office. She charms people (blech blech BLECH!) with money. For Example: I was speaking with a local councilman, a Republican, who spoke very well of her. If he had bitch-slapped me upside my head I couldn’t have been more shocked.
His reason? “She’s visited our town many times.”
“SO?”
“So, she cared enough to come here. She knows we exist.”
“And WHY did she come here? Certainly not for a social call.”
“Because she was bringing money to our district.”
And there it was, the root of this evil known as Clinton. I reminded him that that money originated in OUR pockets, that that same money loses its value by being routed through the sticky fingers of DC politicians, one of whom was HRC. This was a REPUBLICAN councilman who found her charming, a REPUBLICAN who’s normally a penny pincher, a REPUBLICAN who, in essence, was admitting that the high rate of taxation here in NYS was fine’n’dandy as long as we got pennies back on the dollar!
So what has me riled on a Sunday morning? Her Royal Clintoness dodged another bullet. “A federal judge has dismissed Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton from a lawsuit that accused her of conspiring with political advisers to discredit Gennifer Flowers after Flowers said she had an affair with Bill Clinton.
U.S. District Judge Philip Pro ruled in late November that the conspiracy claim against the former first lady was barred by Nevada's four-year statute of limitations, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported Saturday.”
Statute of limitations?!?
SPEAKING OF BULLETS …
Seems as though a NJ prisoner has threatened to kill Her Royal Clintoness. Why? “My life is dull and boring. I need to spice it up.”
THE BAKE-SALE REBELLION
If you haven’t heard of the bake sales which campus Republicans are holding around the country, this will get you up to speed. YUP!, bake sales, and the campus PC Police are shutting them down, sometimes with violence.
MOVIE SEX SCENES FROM HELL
They do exist. Readers of Film Magazine got to vote on the worst celluloid sex scenes. Stiff competition? Apparently not. They easily concluded that the worst one was the Sharon Stone/Joe Pesci pairing in “Casino.” One reader’s analogy still has me laughing.
THE MAN IN THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR
I know this matters almost nothing in the larger scheme of things, but when I read that Jacko weighed 120 lbs. at his arrest, I simply could not believe it. How could any human whose height is 5’11” weigh 120 lbs. and NOT look anorexic? Sure, he’s skinny, but he doesn’t appear anorexic. His cheeks are sunken, but his hands are beefy, not bony and gnarly. I’ve pestered poor Blue with this question so many times that she finally recalled something she read which might be the answer (or maybe she’s merely trying to shut me up): He demanded they note his weight as 120 lbs. without ever getting on any scales. Okay, now THAT I can believe! How can he be poor little Peter Pan, at least in his warped mind, if he weighs, say, a more plausible 145-150 lbs.? Can you imagine anyone else being able to do that? Plus, he’s desperately clinging to the buoy of victimhood, and projecting a skinny, pathetic, lightweight helps that image.
ANYONE? ANYONE? ANYONE?
Don't forget to try that Brain Test and send me your results!
Myerskatt@aol.com
