imkittymyers at hotmail dot com
Saturday, May 14, 2005
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE
Jolie Laide
In the ad for Mr. and Mrs. Smith -- the Cleopatra of its generation, due out next month -- there's Angelina Jolie, sans Brad Pitt, leg up like a flamingo.
"In that picture, you know what shes saying," a friend said recently. "Shes saying, I'm fucking beautiful. Fuck you."
This is not something Julia Roberts said in ads for Pretty Woman, although her pose was similar; not something Nicole Kidman could muster up on a good day. Charlize Theron? Too pretty. Halle Berry? Too unhinged. Hilary Swank? No. Gwyneth Paltrow? No, no, no.
In fact, the only actresses who share Ms. Jolie's confidence are foreign actresses of the old school: Sophia Loren, Jeanne Moreau, B.B. at her best. Maybe the Maggie Cheungs and Ziyi Zhangs of today. That's because Americans prefer the girls next-door: smiley-sweet girl-eunuchs clamoring for the next bad romantic comedy or period drama when they should be home practicing that flamingo pose.
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Ms. Jolie is probably the only actress in Hollywood who could legitimately have an action-hero franchise (i.e., Lara Croft). The logical choice for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a film about married assassins, she has the chops to believably shoot guns and swing from rafters. She sucker-punched a shark in the second Lara Croft movie. The trailers for Mr. and Mrs. Smith show her in black vinyl dominatrix-wear, effortlessly scaling a very, very tall building, expertly managing a rather large machine gun, tenderly smiling at her husband over pot roast. She never looks silly. Mr. Pitt is cuter, but Ms. Jolie could clearly eat him alive, and women probably hope shell do so in real life. At least that would bring good girls everywhere some comfort. Ms. Jolie always seems to break the last heart.
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WALTER REED HOSPITAL TO CLOSE
AggravatedDocSurg posted a nice piece on Walter Reed, the hospital and its namesake. Nurse G had just visited the hospital last month and was very impressed with the facility and especially the nurses' positive attitudes. She'll be sorry to hear this.
Walter Reed To Close?
The BRAC base closure list had a hidden surprise for many in the medical arena -- Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C. is on the hit list! I have never been in the military, but I know plenty of physicians who spent at least part of their training there. It is quite an icon in our military and medical systems; founded in 1909 with a mere 80 beds, it quickly grew to 2,500 with the outbreak of World War I. Despite serving our troops for nearly a century, it is felt to be too expensive to keep open when the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda is nearby.
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Friday, May 13, 2005
KICK BACK WEEKEND VIDEOS
Rik recently rediscovered the above movie, which reminded me of a couple of vintage '84 flicks. For a naughty bit of fun, which probably wouldn't pass the sniff test today, rent the R version of Blame It On Rio. Topless fun in Rio proves that Demi really was demi. But my favorite '84 movie is Reckless. This was before Daryl Hannah wrote a "no nudity" clause into her contracts. Full frontal OH! MY! GOD! nudity of Aidan Quinn in the shower; don't blink or you'll miss it!
1984
I was in the library yesterday afternoon and I noticed the movie "Where the Boys Are '84". I grabbed it immediately and took it home. I actually saw this movie in the theaters with my sister when it came out back in 1984. It's not that great a movie - it's about four female friends going down to Ft Lauderdale for spring break and the ensuing hijinx that occur while they're there. The only famous person in it that you'd probably recognize is a young, nubile Lisa Hartman. While nowhere near as funny as many of its '80's counterparts, it does bring back many fond memories since the last time I saw it was when it first came out.
While I'm on the subject ... Cannes Film Festival movie posters: MUST SEE! And check out the comments under them!
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CAT FIGHT!
This reviewer gave this movie 1.5 stars. Is he kidding? I can't stand either J-Ho or Hanoi Jane, so to see these two bitch-slap each other around would be a treat. I prefer to think of this as a documentary.
We're not Fonda this one
J.Fo out-divas J.Lo in 'Monster' catfight that goes ogre the top
What did Ted Turner do to Jane Fonda, anyway?
After a 15-year marriage to the mogul and her accompanying career hiatus, the liberated 67-year-old actress slashes, sparks and flops around the screen in "Monster-in-Law" like a severed power line.
Poor Jennifer Lopez. Despite star billing, she is but a spectator at Fonda's fireworks show. If Jane is working out some suppressed anger here, Turner is lucky to have escaped with his life.
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Thursday, May 12, 2005
NOOSE OR NUISANCE?
It would be nice to think that Her Royal C would be caught in this tangled mess, but I seriously doubt anything legal will happen to her. I disagree with H-Bomb at AnkleBitingPundits that she didn't know that Rosen cooked her books. The smartest woman to ever trod the earth not knowing? As much as I respect H-Bomb's professional opinion, that notion is beyond comprehension. I think the best we can expect is that this will cause the moderates to think twice about voting for her.
HILLARY'S $TAR CRISIS
Hillary Rodham Clinton's former chief fund-raiser flew into a panic as costs for a star-studded Hollywood gala spiraled out of control with coddled celebs making outrageous demands like being flown to L.A. by private plane, a prosecutor charged yesterday.
Former Clinton finance chief David Rosen was authorizing checks so quickly that he feared he'd be fired over the Aug. 12, 2000, extravaganza, Justice Department prosecutor Peter Zeidenberg said.
Celebrities such as Cher, Melissa Etheridge, Toni Braxton, Diana Ross and Michael Bolton agreed to perform for free, but that didn't come cheap, Zeidenberg said in opening statements at Rosen's trial on charges of lying to the feds about the gala's true cost.
"These performers didn't come to L.A. by bus," he said.
Several wanted private jets including Cher, who specified the exact model.
Others were content with first-class plane tickets, but wanted their entourages, including hairdressers and makeup artists. Talent costs alone reached $90,000, but it didn't end there, Zeidenberg said.
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Rosen is accused of underreporting the cost of the $1.1 million gala by $700,000 and faces up to five years behind bars and a $750,000 fine.
CLINTON SCHMOOZEFEST 2000
By Cindy Adams
I was at that event.
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The concert alone was $1,000 per person. It was 2,000 people. To stay for supper with eaters like Bill, Hill and Chel -- who flashed cleavage for the first time -- and Cher in sequin jeans, and Muhammad Ali, who was transported via golf cart, and Goldie Hawn, the tab was another few grand. To grandstand in the souvenir journal, another $5K.
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Tonken I'd never met before. My introduction to him was telephone calls. For access. For information. He was the gala's go-to guy who has since said about the movie capital: "In a land of moral imbeciles, I knew I could be king."
Last year Tonken, now involved in multiple lawsuits, now a felon, now out of gas, threw together a book on which I had the exclusive scoop. It named names, skewered every celeb he ever met, told which he alleged took payoffs, did shakedowns, skimmed their own charities, demanded gifts or cash or goody bags or wouldn't do benefits unless they themselves were first benefited.
Today Tonken's in the middle of doing five years for fraud involving charities. This is a man who said he'd been a White House guest seven times. Said he sat with the Clintons while they ate popcorn in their pajamas watching TV. Claimed he handed illegal money to certain pols.
GUILT BY ASSOCIATION HAS DEMS WORRIED
By Deborah Orin
[C]ouldn't the criminal case inspire angry Democrats to rally behind Clinton as they did behind Bill Clinton in Sexgate? "Those people are already in her camp," the Dem strategist replied.
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"If there is a conviction in this case, she's in big trouble. Then the foolish Republicans in New York will look like real fools if they don't have anyone to run against her," said GOP pollster John McLaughlin.
"After all, [House GOP majority leader] Tom DeLay has three aides indicted for illegally raising money and people call for him to step down. Why isn't anyone calling for her to step down? It's a real media double standard."
GOP pollster Kellyanne Conway said Clinton who has declined comment on the case can't claim she knew nothing about alleged fund-raising hanky-panky, while backing the Sarbanes-Oxley law that holds corporate CEOs responsible for accounting.
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
MEET MY NEW NEIGHBOR
Right outside a bedroom window in the redbud tree is this robin's nest. Of course this means that I can't do much yard work near this tree, at least not until the eggs hatch, because the bird leaves the nest trying to lead us away from the youngins. I don't want to see those little eggs go cold, so I guess the work will have to wait :) siiiiiiiiiigh
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SO Y'WANNA BE A WRITER
You'd think just writing your story/book would be difficult enough. You pray you've got the talent to write. You bone up on the mechanics of the craft: spelling, punctuation, grammar, sentence structure, the conjugation of verbs and the declension of nouns. You'll probably face writers block at least once. The intrusions on your time alone can be maddening. And yet, with Gunnery Sgt. Tom Highway's credo of "improvise, adapt, overcome," you finally produce what you think is a decent script. You steel yourself for the rejections and you prepare for the criticism.
I've cranked out short stories, but I've yet to write a book. Not yet. When I began to write twenty years ago, I decided I needed a typewriter. I couldn't type, mind you; just hunt'n'peck. An Olympia manual, with its own idiosyncrasies, served me for a while; then I decided that an electric typewriter was what I really needed, so I bought one. No more idiosyncrasies, and the hunting'n'pecking progressed a bit faster, but oh the forests I alone must have been responsible for clearing just to keep me in paper. And then came computers! The loggers took a breather as I learned how to manipulate text without printing a damned thing.
Once I'm set to write, I begin visualizing my future. If you can picture your goal step by step in your mind, you have a greater chance of succeeding. I visualize the whole process, conquering all obstacles, right up to where my book is completed and snapped up by a publisher, and then I begin to visualize the dreaded dust jacket photo. I had heard rumors that publishers thought there might be problems with the appearances of Jean "Clan of the Cave Bear" Auel and Carolyn "The Beans of Egypt Maine" Chute, especially doing public book tours. Olivia "First Wives Club" Goldsmith was a very attractive best selling author. Was being the operative word here, because she thought she needed a face lift for a book tour and died as a result of the surgery. I've yet to hear of a male author whose appearance was considered to be a disadvantage for promoting his book.
Remember in the movie Amadeus when the Emperor Joseph II told Mozart he had written too many notes? Well, in Sandra "This Dame For Hire" Scoppettone's case, she was told to write more: Did you know one is now told in their contract how many words you have to have? In this first draft I'm going to come up short so that I'll have to make it up in the rewrite. This disturbs me because I never want to put in filler. I've spent my whole career learning how to write lean and mean. ... This trend to get writers to make their books bigger is terrible.
Some think book tours are hell: It's not the people -- that's the best part. It's not the signings -- I've had some lousy ones and some excellent ones. It's the travel. Makes me really empathize with people who travel a lot for business. If you do one city, one day, you spend way too much more time than is good for you at airports. You get tired of taking your laptop out of your carry-on and putting it in some gray plastic Rubbermaid tray. You get tired of taking off your shoes and walking across a grimy floor through the security gate in your stockings.
Considering the obstacles out there, its an f'n miracle anybody writes at all.
UPDATE!
What timing. Scott Seward Smith writes in TAS about his foray into writing fiction. Sleazy Stories: A year ago, in a nostalgic funk, I reread my short stories and was surprised at how good they were. At least they were far better than I remembered them being when I abandoned them. ... [I]f my brief foray into the literary market is any indication, the guardians of our short fiction these days want fairy tales described with clinical accuracy. A curious order for any age, let alone one which doesn't believe in fairies.
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
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RUDE AWAKENING FOR THE ELITES
Do you think the mass-media will make changes or fade away? Will we like the changes any better?
MASS-MEDIA MELTDOWN
By John Podhoretz
THE mass-media melt down is happening everywhere you look from the multiplex to the newsstand, from late-night television to drive-time radio.
Hollywood is in a panic, because for nine weeks straight, box office grosses have been lower than last year's.
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The editors and publishers of most major American newspapers are terrified, because declines in newspaper circulation are accelerating at an alarming clip.
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Television networks are reeling from a dramatic contraction of its audience of young male viewers aged 18-34 the cohort most desired by advertisers.
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Talk-radio audiences in major cities like New York and Washington have fallen since the 2004 election.
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The American recording industry is in tatters, increasingly unable to introduce new stars and to sell new music.
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Monday, May 09, 2005
SEX, DRUGS & URINOIRS
I blogged here on what Rik may see in Amsterdam. Well, he's back but his network server is acting up, so he directed us to Dutched Pinay's explicit pictoral on their trip: Booze, Red Light District, Booze. I can hardly wait for Rik's pix!
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DELIVER US FROM BAD MOVIES
 | Kingdom of Heaven: Turns out that the Crusades were not the struggle between Christians and Muslims ... but between both Muslim and Christian religious fanatics on the one hand and modern tolerant liberals like the film-makers -- oh and, by the way, everyone else in Hollywood -- on the other. Who knew? |
 | "Kingdom of Heaven" Flops: Nice try Ridley. Nice try Hollywood. But it's a whole new world out there and your refusal to understand that is getting expensive. Hate America someplace else. You're not welcome here. At least not welcome enough to break even. |
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THIS SHOULD DRIVE GHOST CRAZY
 | Lower Tax Rates, Higher Tax Receipts: Once again, the Laffer curve is working. ... [T]he real story behind the numbers is the successful supply-side experiment that began in the middle of 2003, when investment tax rates were slashed on capital gains and dividends. |
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STICKY FINGERS TOO?
 | THE LATEST: Jennifer Wilbanks is a convicted felon. She was arrested three times for shoplifting from 1996 to 1998 and served two weekends in jail on one charge, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. |
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POOR HO
 | To the store with you: Before I could take eight steps I see a hot chick kind of checking me out. I pivot to give her a glace at my ass and then pivot back to see her reaction. It was then that I noticed she was thinking not that I have rock hard abs but ... |
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Y'GOT TO HEAR THIS TO BELIEVE IT!
 | The Strangest Fanfic Obsession of All: My name is Ulrich Haarbürste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film. ... Somebody has put one of Ulrich's stories to music and it's hilarious. |
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YOUR MISSION
Thanks to Simone, who sent this to me, I went crazy. Try this and you'll see what I mean when I say it's nearly impossible to do this because YOU CAN'T SEE THE FRIGGIN' CURSOR! Naturally I passed it along to my dear friends. All who've replied have succeeded at this better than I. I only got the little bastard 3 steps before he fell flat. See if you can do any better at ...
Keep him walking!
Try and see this guy home before he falls flat on his face. He lives about 100 meters from the pub. The instructions are in German, but if you can't read them, what they tell you to do is to try to keep him walking in a straight line by moving the cursor to the left and right with your mouse. Don't click the mouse button. The object of the game is to keep him walking, without falling over, until he gets home. You won't be able to see your cursor or pointer on the screen, which makes it more difficult. Apparently the record so far is 82 meters.
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